I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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