can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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