Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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