Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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