Ambien. No doubt about it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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