Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize