do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
