I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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