a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
