He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize