is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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