if only i could text you this smell
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
