He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
