My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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