So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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