It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
only you would photoshop your dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
