His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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