So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I smell stomach acid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
