the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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