Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
