I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
