Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
