Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
