Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize