shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize