Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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