Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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