Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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