Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So vagazzling was a success
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
