you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize