I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
