i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize