i think my mom watched the whole time
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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