i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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