In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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