Apparently you make a good broom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
