THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
