i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
