I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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