I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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