Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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