the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
