You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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