He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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