you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
