i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
