Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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