Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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