how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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