Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
