i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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