I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
