I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm really busy with my period
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