you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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