Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
