Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
