Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize