That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
