We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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