when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
