She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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